Basically, I’m done.
I’m done with emotions. I’m just going to become that cold bitter person when it comes to liking someone or crushes or anything of that nature.
I just give up. Everyone since April has just, been stupid.
Starting with fucking Austin who tried to rape me
To being used. Just a little girl to fuck
To some horny dude who just wanted to get in my pants
Back to Tyler who just, just is a idiot.
I mean, I guess that I never ment anything to any of them.
Well, FUCK ALL OF YOU
Why, because I’m done
I’m done with members of the opposite sex. I just can’t take this constant being used and being hurt. Its going to break me soon.
I tried to open up, tried to be a good person, and what happend? I get crushed. Every single fucking time.
I went through the scarest moment this summer already. Nobody knows, I didn’t tell anyone, not even Taylor and Whitney, and I probably never will, but it’s not like anyone reads this anyway, and maybe I can put it behind me if I type it.
I took a pregnancy test, it came out positive.
I’ve been scared before, but that, I just physically collapsed.
Everything that has happened, I’m just done. I don’t want to like anyone, and right now, I really don’t like anyone, and it’s the first time in a long time where that’s been the case. I just want to start college, get another job, be me.
Emotions ruin everything. Everything. I’m just done. I’m closing myself up emotionally from people. And I don’t care. I know I’ll be a mom someday, and that’s all I really want. I don’t really ever want to get married, to fall in love again, even to really have a relationship, it just doesn’t sound like it’s right for me. A kid, yes. A husband? No, it’s not for me. The only reason I would marry someone would be for money, and that sounds so sad, but, that’s always been the case for me.
I’m not closing myself up emotionally from people, just from the idea of relationships. Because now I know, that I will never be good enough, for anyone. And I think I’m finally starting to believe that accept that now.
And I know that the saddest thing about that, is that I’m okay with it.
I never want to be in the position where I’m crying my eyes out over some guy that doesn’t give a damn about me. It’s just not right.
I’m just done.
And I couldn’t be more happy.
